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Wow... I almost forgot this thing existed, but since i remembered it today, i feel it necessary to update. I was just watching the news and they mentioned a story i just had to look further in to. Here is my personal editorial on this issue, with several facts taken from this article:
After 8 years of relative calm, The Telletubbies are once again under attack. No, Jerry Falwell hasn't miraculously risen from the dead to continue his offensive against the fuzzy little creatures, this time it is Poland's child rights ombudsman, Ewa Sowinska. The accusation, though, is the same as it was 8 years ago, that these weird looking little buggers are promoting homosexuality to our children. Now, I do not claim to be either an infant psychologist, but i doubt that infants have much knowlege about sexuality at all, and would not be able to pick up on even the most obvious sex reference. Regardless, if there is in fact an obvious promotion of homosexuality in the show, i think it would be a good thing to take it off the air. But alas, it comes out what the true cause for all this concern was: the purple character, named tinky winky, carries a purse, and is presumed male since he is taller than his 3 counterparts. Now this is the sort of thing i would have suspected from a crazed bible pusher like Falwell, but not from an actual official, and especially not in Europe. I really thought that the Pole's would be above the evangelical american radicals, but im sadly mistaken.
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, December 3rd, 2005
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She's probably the most beautiful person I've ever seen.
She's definately the coolest person I've met in a long time.
I love how i'm not acting compulsively with this as i have every single time in the past, it gives me more time to think. I've always screwed thing up before by being too compulsive, trying too hard, and moving too fast emotionally, thus simply creating chaos because i wouldn't give myself time to think. I think I'm moving in a good direction. I've been hoping for quite a while for the chance that i may have right now, and i really want to do whatever i can to try and build something great. Who knows, she may not even like me like that, I honestly dont know yet. All I know is that I like her, and i think she's incredible. I would love for something to happen, but this time im not obsessing over it. She's just so cool.....
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, October 11th, 2005
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What the fuck is the point of making a fucking journal where when you write a whole fucking entry, it can just dissapear into thin air... oh yeah, all those emotions that you just wrote down, all those thoughts, that shit that you wanted so badly to get out of your mind and into some physical form... they're fucking gone. why the fuck am i so goddamned moody all the time, why the fuck can i go from having the best time of my life one second to feeling the shittiest i could possibly imagine feeling the next? why the fuck do i act like i do? why the fuck am i so shitty? why the fuck to i have to get fucked up all the time? why the fuck do i cry to myself about not having a girlfriend and then turn around and do everything i can possibly do to drive people away? why the fuck can't i just put the cigarette down, turn off the music, and peel my fucking eyes away from the fucking wall long enough to take a shower, maybe shave, even brush my fucking teeth? why the fuck to i refuse to try at anything? i know that i COULD do a lot. WHY THE FUCK DO I SIT AROUND AND THINK ABOUT IT SO GODDAMN MUCH? i spend more time thinking about how not doing work is gonna fuck everything up than it would take me to just fucking do it and get it over with. Why do i do everything i possibly can to make things shitty. why are my priorities so fucked up. why do i cry to myself about not having a girlfriend, and then go out and walk around by myself instead of calling her? why do i spend all my fucking money on drugs and cigarettes? i cant even rember the last time i actually bought myself food. I WILL GO WITHOUT FOOD JUST SO I CAN BUY FUCKING WEED. WHY???? why the fuck does it seem like theres a part of me that loves to see the rest of me feel shitty? why the fuck do i think so much. i wish brains came with a pause button... i dont wanna turn it off... i just wanna stop it for a little while. i just want to rest. WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I SLEEP?!?!!? why does it seem like no matter what i do, i cant be satisfied? why cant i be happy? do i really want to be happy? i used to be happy all the time. i never cared enough about anything to feel shitty about it. why the fuck do i care so much now. do i have to care? do i want to care? can i stop caring? no, no and no. there's no end to this. sometimes it feels like theres a reason for me to feel this way, like feeling this way will someday do something good for me, from other people's point of view at least. Why do i want to drink when i feel shitty, and know it's just going to make me feel even shittier? Why the fuck does it seem likeim destined to be this person who can never stop thinking about shit long enough to do anything? why cant i put all the energy i waste on bullshit to good use? why the fuck don't i want to make things better? do i like to complain? do i want people to feel sorry for me? no and no. i hate being a whiney little bitch, and i hate when people feel sorry for me. i fucking hate pity. but im fucking pitiful. i know i'll never kill myself, but is it wrong to wonder what death would be like? why am i asking a fucking computer so many questions? because it makes me feel better. sometimes it feels really great to ask a shitload of questions and not get a single answer. I dont want answers any more. i know what they all are. okay, i guess i do like to bitch, but only to inanimate abjects like a computer. I need someone to love. Fuck it.
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Sunday, August 28th, 2005
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Well kids, what can i say? it's been a pretty crazy summer... I've done enough in this past little while to be happy with for the rest of my life. I've done more drinking, more drugs, and more insanity than i ever could have dreamed of before, but i finally got to the point i knew i would reach one day... im done. I dont need to prove anything by how much shit i can put into my system, or how much insanity i can handle, in the end all that matters is whether im satisfied enough with myself, and with what i've done, and how i've handled everything that has come my way. I vow from here on to think everything through.... and never to act on instinct. i guess this is it, the end of my crazy summer... I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm satisfied with all that i did and would never want to take any of it back. But now its over, and so on to the next chapter in life, and i promise to keep you updated, as i've been so good at in the past, seeing as all the people who will read this dont know me or have any clue what i'm talking about.... so i guess i've finally found that place to put down my innermost thoughts.... cool.... so now im gonna go, cuz im fucking tired.
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So... the fuck warped tour show was the shiznit, except for a few jackasses who came to start trouble, but at least they got what they wanted, after they got kicked out. We recorded yesterday, which went very smoothly, and it seems to be pretty good as well. I really need a new job, one that is fun or at leasat bareable if possible, and maybe one that pays something over minimum wage. Driving is way more expensive than it should be... i mean, didn't we invade iraq for the oil? Then where the hell is it? Obviously not here, because it's just getting more expensive. I also have to pay a ticket, and other shit, and of course my way of life in and of itself costs money. I've recently come to a much greater understanding of just how much i appreciate my friends as well. We are a very close knit group, and would do anything for eachother, and thats a great thing to have. And there is finally the beginnings of a possible new romance in my life, for which i am utterly greatful. Things are definately looking up again though, and im the happiest I've been in a while. Can't wait to see what comes next, but i hope it's not another drop-off... either way, i'll live though.
Savoring the moment as always,
Derek
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
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Hey, bitches.... if you go to my school, you'll find this very funny:
http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=AMALHS&key=UKH
go there, its good.
In other news, lots of shit going on, but i really dont feel like putting it in here for everyone to read, cuz that's just not how i roll... BYE NEGROES!!!!
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| You scored as Schizophrenia. Congratulations! You are schizophrenic! You know how to space out for hours at a time in a corner and that The Dark Master is not joking..... keep on tossin' those word-salads... dress mess bless!
Schizophrenia | | 67% | Antisocial Personality Disorder | | 58% | Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder | | 33% | Unipolar Depression | | 33% | Borderline Personality Disorder | | 25% | Eating Disorders | | 0% | </td>
Which mental disorder do you have?
created with QuizFarm.com |
| You scored as Hot. You are Hot, you scream and are wild, people love doing anything sexual with you.
Hot | | 88% | Shy | | 75% | Exciting | | 75% | Soft | | 69% | Sweet | | 63% | Wet | | 63% | Violent | | 44% | Awkward | | 31% | </td>
What is your sexual style?
created with QuizFarm.com |
so im a scitzo, and im really good in the sack, at least thats what the voices say.
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Thursday, April 14th, 2005
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Ok, so heres the deal. I made a website for our band. It's pretty shitty, but I just thought we could use something. Britt's pissed cuz i guess i fucked it up so now she cant use the name if and when she makes a good one, but i had no clue about that, so whatever. Anything i screwed up was out of ignorance, not carelessness. Anywho... if you wanna check it out,the adress is:
www.knifepointbyadragqueen.cjb.net
So there, look at it if you wanna.
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Tuesday, April 12th, 2005
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Well kids, today was one full of shit.
It started out fine, except for me falling asleep in all of my first 3 classes, but oh yeah, my guidance councelor is a stupid bitch and gave me 3 study halls in a row 1st, 2nd, and 3rd period. so thats what im supposed to do i guess.
Then all the fun really started after school got out. i dropped off kelly, then was joking about not dropping shane off, then i really forgot to, which was a bit of a problem, cuz i had to be home right away to get my little sis off the bus. So then im dropping off britt and james at the seymour residence, and as i go to pull out of the driveway, this crazy lady comes out of nowhere at like 45 miles per hour and totally nails my car. Her car was practically fine, but mine is no longer driveable. the inspection was already up and now it DEFINATELY wont pass. so yeah, im totally boned on that one.
Then i got home and told my dad and he came over and there was more drama which i dont care to discuss. Then my mom needed him to sign some papers for all this shit thats going on with the house. Then they got in a big ass argument, just like the old days. It really brought back a lot of memories that i thought were behind me, but whatever. It did feel good to finally be able to get in the middle and break it up. Its pretty weird to see the look on a mans face when he realizes he's no longer able to intimidate you out of getting in the middle, but that the roles are now switched, and you're the one intimidating him out of taking it any further. It really made me feel good. And of course he later apologized, and we're fine now, but with those memories flooding back, and the reversal of roles so evident, it was really an odd experience. Every day i grow more and more convinced that every single experience you go through in life helps you to grow as a person, no matter good or bad, big or small, significant or seemingly not, it all adds up, and im glad that i have all that i have to look back on and reflect.
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well... this has been a crazy vacation. the two weeks definately couldn't have flown by faster or been more full of action. and in the end, im the happiest i've ever been. the one i've been obsessively in love with for over a year has finally come back to me. this is bliss. it will never end. the rest of my life shall be spent with her at my side, and we both know that its true. we've found true love.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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So taday was a fun day. i went to school, did my homework for once, and then after school, i had a nice cigar time with john. then i drove with a rediculous amount of people in the car, which is always fun. then, when i came home, i went and got a cell phone. that was very cool. i got a nice picture phone and its a cricket deal, my number is 990-9229. it is so sweet, and i've been wanting one for a while so im happy. now tomorrow i get to put in everyones number and a picture of them for when they call me. HOW FUN!!!!!
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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SO! today was awesome cuz i had a ton of energy from staying home all day yesterday and so i was having a good time. we practiced for a while and hung our in ians garage. i might have to work tomorrow which is god cuz i need money. tonight i decided that im gonna steal my moms sewing machine, buy a bunch of cool fabrics like stretch denim and regular denim, flannel perhaps, and cool shirt material, and start making patterns and designing my own clothes and then making them. I though it out in my head and i could totally do it, since im good at measuring and have a good hand with a sewing machine. I'll need to find one of those things, i think its called a seam ripper but im not quite sure, it just makes really stong seams really fast and uses huge spools of thread. if you know what these are called, let me know so i can check some out on eBay. It would be so cool too, cuz everything would match and be custom made for me, by me. so i could make them all exactly how i want them, and it would be really cool. And then i wouldn't be supporting clothing companies that make little kids in asia make my clothes. And it would definately feel good walking around in clothes i made for myself. If you cant tell, im pretty into the idea. i just need a table, and one of those seam thingys, so help me out if you know anything about one. Dude, im gonna be the coolest, all my clothes will be perfect, for me at least. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! im a genius!!!!!!!!!!!1
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
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Ok, i just woke up a little while ago, and i had the dream again. It was exactly the same up until i walked outside, and this time, instead of being nothing but snow and blood, there was nothing but complete blackness and blood. (like the one level in max payne if it helps anyone, but with WAY more blood just spattered all over the place) and i sould hear like a car was running in the garage of the house, and it kept revving its engine and it was scary. whoa, i've never really had a recurring dream before, at least not that i could remember... FREAKY!!!!!!!!!
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Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005
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So i worked my first time at mcdonalds yesterday and it was ok, except for the fact thatas soon as i walked in, i was told i had to cut my hair. i didnt feel like going home or going somewhere to get it cut, so i just had kristin do it and then kelly finished it after the shift. i was pretty pissed that i had to get it done, but whatever. i guess it's "company policy" which is complete bullshit. If a girl can have long hair as long as she keeps it tied back, so should i. It's sexual discrimination, and i think i should sue, but i need money for that, so i'll just work there until i have enough money to sue them with their own money, which would be beautifully ironic. but, it says nothing in the handbook about your hair needing to be one color, or any normal sort of color, so im gona dye it pink and green just to piss them off. MWAHAHA!!!!!
In other news, i had an insane dream last night, of which i can only remember a few things. It was one of those dreams that starts with you waking up, and i woke up and saw tons of blood splattered all through the house. like not just spatter, but pools of blood in violent looking patterns, as if someone had been slashed with a knife, but each one looked like enough blood to kill the person, and there were hundreds of them in the house, and then footsteps through it, and they were like my adidas shoes. and it was weird, the house was not my house. it was kind of like kelly's house, but one floor, and... i dunno, it was just odd. and there wasn't a body or any weapon or anything, just all that blood. And then i stepped outside, and there was nothing around, no trees, no houses, nothing. just snow as far as you could see, and yes, the snow was splattered in blood too. there was blood everywhere, like i had killed the entire population of buffalo. it was nuts. i really wish i knew what dreams meant.
ANYWHO, IM GONNA GO NOW. BYE!!!!!!!!!!!
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, February 27th, 2005
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So the toasters show the other night was very, very, unbelievably, awesome. The toasters played great, as usual. Westbound Train was a really cool band as well, with a very lounge-ish type of feel and a lot of soul stylings on the mic. i liked them a lot. AMY RYAN AND THE OPERATIVES!!!! what can i say about them, they were absolutely kick ass and she has the greatest voice and the sexiest self i've seen. Mechatama was, in my opinion, far better than i expected. And, last AND least.... was the "altai district" formerly ... amm. I was so dissapointed by them that it was disgusting. so then i commented on their website guestbook and look what i found in my email a few hours later:
Copied from the Altai Distist/..AMM homepage:
Hello...first off i'd like to start by saying that AMM/AD is pretty much over. Thank you to the fans and followers throughout these years for all they have done. Mostly, thank you Derek. Derek put it quite nicely in our guestbook. We have come along way and we were no longer a ska band at the latter half of our musical endeavor. However, we never really cared about satisfying anyone except ourselves. If people ended up liking it then that was really awesome. We worked really hard and for the most part no one in the WNY scene cared. That's fine though, there's plenty of other two tone ska bands you could find to replace what we ever were. Once again, thank you for personally insulting us Derek. It means a lot to us. Thank you!
Yes its true....Altai District remnants of the past ...And Many More has decided to call it quits... to sum it all up we were becoming unhappy with the direction in which the band was heading along with a couple personal problems with a couple band members (to remain confidential)... Once again Wed like to Thank everyone, fans and followers for all they have done. You guys made these past 3 years worth while...without you, none of this would have even started let alone last as long as it has...
R.I.P Altai District/...And Many More
For those who wish to see Dereks little comment for us...:
Name: Derek
Homepage:
E-Mail:
Referred By: Astranged Lover
City/Country: North Tonawanda
Comments: i never thought it would come to this point... the remnants of the band i once loved really dissapoint me now. to see the way that the music has gone is a tragedy to any of the true ska-lovers in whatever remains of the buffalo ska scene. I was truly horrified to think that such a good band could become so shitty so quick. I can honestly say that i have now been to the last ...and many more show. and i use the old name because the renaming of the band signifies its loss of it's original flavor of ska and the change to emo shit, and the consequential loss of any underground respectability which it once had. YOU HAVE BECOME TO WNY SKA WHAT CHERRYBING HAS BEEN FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS, AND THAT IS, SIMPLY PUT, SHIT. You are no longer ska except for the 2 remnant songs from the and many more days, so in my opinion, you no longer deserve to play with good ska bands when they come, because you've become the dissapointing opening band that pisses off most of the room at the start of the show. stick to your emo shows, gentlemen.
Any Suggestions: never play another real ska show again, you dont deserve it anymore.
What do u think bout the site?: Sucks!
Favorite AMM Song? its not my prom...
Sex or Ska?: Sex, Ska, Both
I thought that was funny. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Thursday, February 17th, 2005
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hey... look what i find out i can do last night:
just thought i'd brighten everyone's day with that.. ok buhbye.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, February 16th, 2005
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so kids, i have an update on the whole thumb deal. I went to see the hand specialist dude today, and he said that i should have it operated on, and its gonna go down tomorrow. this means that i cant snowboard for the rest of the year, including vermont. this is not cool, but if i dont get it done, my thumb will heal all weird and never work right again and i'll probably have arthritis in it by the time im 20. it sucks, but there's not much i can do. so tomorrow at 6 they're gonna cut me open, and im gonna be awake, but they're gonna give me sweet ass drugs to make me not give a fuck. and i got more vicodin, and my mom bought my a guinness extra stout for my troubles when we were at premier, so i guess im good. and i wont have a normal cast for another 2 weeks. this definately sucks, but whatever. goodbye.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, February 13th, 2005
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| Time: | 2:05 am. |
| Mood: | INJURED!!!. |
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Hey bitches, i borke my thumb snowboarding and just got back at 2:00 in the morning. it hurts like ibitch but now i get to take nice little yellow pills with blue speckles. i might have to get surgery to put a screw or pin in my thumb but i dont know, whateva, sorry this is short, but my thumb hurts like fuck. BYE!
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Saturday, February 12th, 2005
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1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of this sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't search for the "coolest" book you can find. Do what's actually closest.
The Autobiography of Malcolm X:
"Early one morning in Harlem, a tall, light Negro wearing a hat and with a woman's stocking drawn down over his face held up a Negro bartender and manager who were counting up the night's reciepts."
Woohoo! Negroes holding up negroes! just kidding, but yeah. so today is ski club and we're hittin up the big KB and we're getting nice fresh snow, so im happy. I finally found a matching pair of thick ass socks too so im good. The Autobiography of Malcolm X is definately a good book which i recommend to anyone. I cant wait to destroy myself tonight. snowboarding is definately fun. I'm out niggas!
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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suicidefrnchfry's journal
grateful.
accomplished.
indescribable.
enthralled.
high.
scared.
confused.
bored.
pissed off.
excited.